Have you ever experienced the following? You walk into your training room on day one. You smile openly at the audience. You skillfully hide the anxiety from your face. You welcome the reps with enthusiasm. You explain the outline, timeframe, ground rules, content, expectations, etc.

proceed to deliver the program, adhere to the tight agenda, incorporate training games and role playing, arrange fun activities and cater to every possible detail humanly possible. The reps thank you personally, slap you on the back, promise to keep in touch and hand in their evaluations. You're on top of the world. You're thinking: "This is the best training program I have ever given! They just loved me".

You begin reading the evaluations. Comments like "This is the best training session I've ever attended" and "Great facilitator" play like music in your head. You're ecstatic until you discover three evaluations recommending that you pack your bags - change professions. Someone describes you as inexperienced, another as being unable to control the group and the last as being confrontational and insensitive.

Perception turns into cold reality. You're in shock. You become disillusioned and worse yet, your self-esteem plummets. You think to yourself : "These evaluations are beyond critical; they're cruel. Surely they must be mistaken. Maybe they're describing my colleague by mistake."

As trainers, much like actors, we're on stage. And we expose our vulnerability every moment we stand in front of our audience. One of our biggest challenges is to deal with the psychological impact of evaluations, because we tend to immediately discount the positive evaluations and focus only on the negative ones. We find it easier to see who we are not, rather than who we are.

This article will investigate the psychology of evaluations on our self-esteem, and how to access value from the feedback by using it to expand our learning curve as trainers.

Feedback in Perspective

I am a member of the National Speakers Association, which provides members with access to cutting edge research and knowledge related to professional training. At a recent conference, I had the opportunity to discuss with my colleagues, the impact of evaluations and how to put the less favorable comments into perspective. What I learned will provide you with insight and hopefully comfort.

The Centre For Creative Leadership conducted a study on how leaders and executives learn. In an in-depth interview, they found out that 50% of how we learn is through "trial by fire" - either sink or swim; 20% is from "good/bad/flawed mentors and, surprisingly, only 10% from formal education. Last, but not least, 20% from failure or hardship. This last 20% relates to criticism that we may receive on evaluations or from bosses, peers, friends .

As human beings, we are most resistant to (1) negative feedback and (2) fear of failure, which gives rise to four common myths:

Myth One:
If I don't score 100% in satisfied evaluations, I'm not doing my job effectively.

Truth:

- Research says that 80% will thoroughly enjoy your program. 20% will not. Yet you spend wasted energy and time trying to win over the 20% at the expense of ignoring the 80% willing and deserving to learn.

- Set a baseline standard for what you'll accept in your evaluations. This will save you time and energy.

Myth Two:
Everyone in the program will like me because I know my subject and I care.

Truth:

- There will always be some participants who refuse to like you. We call them Closet Neurotics. They look normal, but the only way they have of restoring their own low self-esteem is to tear you down.

- Perhaps they have old negative tapes that continue to play back in the archives of their memory banks, tapes that associate you with the memory of a former partner, spouse, or a favored older sibling. Or, perhaps the classroom setting rekindles unpleasant memories of former teachers or superior officers in the military.

Myth Three:
These people will complain to the other participants that I'm a lousy trainer, tarnishing my reputation and reducing my effectiveness.

Truth:

- You can swiftly and effectively diffuse the hearsay of the closet neurotic if, from the very beginning of the program, you immediately engage your audience, by addressing them by name and utilizing effective rapport building strategies. By getting people immediately involved as equal shareholders in the program, it helps them overcome preconceived ideas about you and anxieties they may be personally feeling about the program.

Myth Four:
I can't possibly regain my confidence knowing some participants have a negative view of me or my effectiveness as a trainer.

Truth:

- You can and must reaffirm your own self-worth. Your inner voice must be stronger than your critics. First, take solace in the knowledge that people who really know you - friends, family, colleagues - like and (more important) respect you.

- Next, as politicians are so fond of reminding their critics, "look at the record." Look back at when you first began training. Have you evolved since your first training program? Was your learning curve the result of the easy participants or the challenging ones? Look at how much wiser you are today and imagine where you will be two years from now.

- Finally, take the time to analyze the negative feedback. Meet with a small FOCUS group of program participants with whom you felt comfortable. Explain that you are deeply concerned with some negative feedback you received in the evaluations and that you need their help. Let them know that you value their opinion, and ask if they or other participants concur with those evaluations.

- If the group concurs, accept it as the truth. No one is perfect, however, now you have been given a wonderful opportunity to learn from your mistakes and move on. If you are not clear about exactly what it was you said or did to cause a negative reaction, ask them for examples. Also, ask for suggestions on how you might handle the situation (person) differently in the future and give their suggestions a try during the next program.

- Your ability to bounce back strengthens you and gives people hope that they can do the same.

Make a Difference

As trainers, it is critical that we access the ultimate usefulness of our evaluations, positive or negative. Ask yourself if the critique is so negative that it is impossible to overcome, regardless of your attempts. Or is the critic really giving you feedback that you can harvest?

Leave your EGO at home. Be willing to go out and fall on your face until you get it right. The most important thing you can do is learn from your mistake and then move on.

Focus on having a vision of yourself making a difference in the rep's career by sharing your message and knowledge.

Burt Dubin, of Personal Achievement Institute, coaches trainers and speakers and has the following written on the back of his business card:

Make this commitment to yourself every time you present: "This program is going to be my absolute best. It will be the finest expression of all I have within me to share. I will serve my client, spur positive actions - and touch hearts. I will share my expertise, bring out the best in my audience, help them grow as they help their organization grow. These attitudes and actions validate my right to be known as an expert who speaks."

Remember that there's no criticism in the world, only feedback.