THE GLOBE AND MAIL

In male-dominated organizations like hospitals, how the female staff say things may be just as important as what they are saying.

Image counts, says Roz Usheroff, head of Toronto's Usheroff Institute, and image is not just a matter of how we look and dress, it is a matter of the entire persona we present to others.

Ms. Usheroff will be a speaker at the Ontario Hospital Association's annual convention and exhibition next week at the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. As an image and communications consultant, she counsels both sexes on how to become more effective at their jobs or professions every day.

With hospitals, however, the very fact that men have often held the senior managerial jobs creates a fundamental problem for women when it comes to advancing their own ideas aggressively. "Men and women simply have a different way of communicating," she says. "Women are more detailed and long-winded; they are relationship builders. Men are generally more blunt and focused."

The fact that women are natural collaborators tends to make them seem less confident than their male counterparts, she continues. "As a result, women in many hospitals or other health care situations, which are male dominated often develop feelings of futility," she says. "They say their role is not credible." It is a matter of changing style not content, she advises. The first step is to gain an understanding of how men communicate with non-verbal signals. The ability to understand those male-ingrained characteristics can often mean the difference between being a successful communicator and advocate and one whose views are regularly dismissed.

Take head nods, as an example. "Women tend to nod their heads a lot when they are listening. It looks like they are agreeing," she says. "In fact, what they are really saying is that they are listening. On the other hand, when men nod their heads they are just telling the speaker to get on with it; to get to their point." The result can be a painful misunderstanding. Males take the head nods as agreement. If the woman listener then objects or argues with the man's opinions, the result is often verbal or non-verbal aggression.

"Women are less comfortable when challenged," she continues. "Their reaction is usually to talk faster, and that makes them seem even less confident. Women simply do not know how to be aggressive effectively. When they push for a strongly held belief or idea they are taken as pushy and, well I won't say the word, but it rhymes with witch."

On the most basic level, women want to be liked while men want to be respected, she says. That desire to be liked can stand in the way of relationship building with men. "They can't joke as easily as men do," she says. "A man can make fun of the way his male co-workers dress or walk or eat. If a woman does that to another woman, the end result is usually hurt feelings. As a result, they are less willing to take risks in their communications. They relate to men in much the same way they would relate to another woman."

The differences can be spotted around any meeting table, Ms. Usheroff says. Men tend to spread out, to establish their own space while women stay within a small confined area. Men look people directly in the eyes more than women do. "It stems back to that Alpha dog mentality," she explains. "Eye contact is a challenge and a way of controlling lesser-ranked members of the pack. With men it is a hangover from our primitive past but is still used to show confidence and forthrightness."

Nor are men as concerned with their appearance as women. For a woman, the way she looks determines her level of comfort and confidence, says Ms. Usheroff. "What it boils down to is that women in male-dominated institutions understand these differences and then change the way they present themselves and their ideas."

Unfair? Most certainly. The challenge in life, however, is not in ignoring the boundaries but finding ways to work effectively within them, she adds.

"Communication, after all, is not just about the message. It is about how we are able to convey it effectively."