THE USHEROFF INSTITUTE

Everyone loves the holiday season, right? Wrong. Psychologists say it can be a rough time for many people. If you're one of those people, try to set up your holiday season for success by creating the best possible conditions for your own happiness.

HOW TO CELEBRATE THIS HOLIDAY SEASON

The holiday season is upon us once again. It's an unusually busy time of year for most of us, with its shopping, decorating and partying, but we do it all in the presence of a mysterious thing called the 'holiday spirit'. This holiday spirit, as we know, is a warm feeling that helps us appreciate our family and friends, enjoy our festive surroundings, and perhaps reflect on our good fortune.

But like many emotive activities, the holiday season also has its down side. Psychologists tell us that the holiday season is a peak period for depression and anxiety. Some people expect themselves to feel happy, and can't find the holiday spirit as perhaps they once did. Other people become cynical about the commercialization of the holiday season. Still others feel lonely or, at the other extreme, exhaust themselves. When it comes to our personal happiness, some things can't be easily controlled-but some things can. Let's look at some of the ways we can prepare for a positive experience this holiday season.

KEEP IT DO-ABLE

• Begin the season by deciding exactly what you're going to do (and not do), and what scale you're going to do it on.
• In big families, consider drawing names for gift exchange, instead of buying a present for everybody. It saves time, and worrisome credit card debt.
• When in doubt, buy a gift certificate from your recipient's favorite place to shop, for example, Williams-Sonoma. Avoid the less personal impression of department store gift certificates.
• Share the responsibility for family events. Say to a sister, brother or friend, "I'll bring the turkey if you bring the ham."
• Pause now and again to gauge your stress level. If over-activity is interfering with your enjoyment or your mood, look to dump or delegate.

START EARLY

• Starting a number of things early can help free up your holiday schedule, and leave more time for relaxation
• Decorating can be done before the party season begins in earnest. Outside lights are easiest before the weather freezes (even if they don't get turned on), and the week after US Thanksgiving is fair game for decorating the house. Keep a natural tree well watered if you're starting early.
• Buy some of the holiday foods you enjoy as soon as they are available. Canned and freezable foods will store easily.
• Make family plans at get-togethers earlier in the year. Know who's hosting, who's traveling to whom, etc. well before the crush begins.
• Remember to pick up wrappings and decorations for next year in the January sales.

STAY ORGANIZED

As responsibilities close in on those holiday deadlines, staying organized will help you avoid the anxiety of "too much to do, too little time."

• Know what you want to buy before you hit the stores. Lists are an excellent way to help you do this. If possible, ease your pain by asking each gift recipient for suggestions. Cross off your list as you make your purchases, and then collect them all in one (secret) place.
• Pulling together a holiday party at the office or at home isn't as daunting if you stay organized. Invite early for the best turnout, and then use the intervening weeks to arrange food, drink, music and decorations. Office parties may involve some gift giving or speeches, so make those plans early in the process.
• For a home party, clear space in your closet a week in advance for guests' coats and hats. Collect extra hangers from other closets so you don't have to run around the house at the last minute.
• Wrap your gifts as soon as you purchase them. Wrapping a gift attractively shows how much you value the gift you are giving, and how much respect you have for the recipient. Don't underestimate this subtle message. If you lack wrapping skills, purchase gift bags and top with color-coordinated tissue paper for effect.

ASK FOR HELP

If you want anything done right, you've got to do it yourself. True? False! By taking everything on yourself, you not only drive yourself crazy, but you also miss opportunities for happy times with friends and family. Christmas baking is a prime example. What an opportunity to spend a fun, unhurried afternoon in the kitchen with your kids, your spouse or your mother!

• Isolate short, easy tasks like decorating, and ask your children to help you. Their holiday spirit can be infectious.
• You might want to co-host a party with a neighbor or friend
• Ask your spouse to write or help you send the cards
• Hire a babysitter for a couple of hours on the weekend to let you power shop.

FOCUS ON RELATIONSHIPS

One source of happiness is strong personal relationships. Make sure you connect with the friends and family members you value, in a way that you both enjoy.

Personalize gifts you mail by enclosing a photograph of yourself, family, pets, etc. that you took during the past year. This is a way of sharing your life with the recipient.

Make time for children and/or spouse to just enjoy a quiet evening in front of the fireplace, fun games, or perhaps driving around the neighborhood to see the lighting displays.

Some people have broken relationships and estrangements that cause pain at holiday time. Remember that it can be a great time to extend an olive branch, even if it's just a quick phone call.

PREPARE HOLIDAY CARDS IN ADVANCE

Make a good impression by choosing a nonreligious and personalized card.

• Personalize each card you send out, whether they are preprinted or not.
• Use postage stamps, not a meter.
• Handwrite the name and address (not labels)
• Select cards with messages like "Happy holidays" or "Happy New Year" as it is appropriate for people of all religions.
• Send personal notes with your holiday cards, especially for people out of town you don't see as often as you'd like
• When addressing a holiday card to someone's home, make sure that you address the card to the whole family. If there is a partnership, check to see if both individuals use the same name.

In our working lives, many of us are proactive about planning for career and financial success. Far fewer of us are proactive about planning for our own personal happiness. Happiness can be an elusive thing, but creating a lifestyle that supports happiness is well within your control. Please keep that in mind this holiday season.

PARTY SURVIVING TIPS

You may have more party invitations during the holiday season than you have the entire rest of the year! To some people, this is exciting; but to others, it can be very stressful. You may also think about hosting a more intimate party yourself. Whatever the situation, my party survival tips can help you enjoy the experience.

DON'T BE A WALLFLOWER

• At a party, should you find yourself surrounded by strangers, introduce yourself. Look for groups of three or more, because two people may be having an intimate conversation. Smile as you approach. Wait for a break in the conversation or an opening in the group. Extend your hand to the person closest to you and then introduce yourself. Continue with introductions.
• If you are uncomfortable waiting alone until your friends arrive, seek out an individual who is standing alone (and hopefully looks as uncomfortable as you feel). Bring humor into your introduction to break the ice, for example, "I'm waiting for some friends and I don't know anyone here. Would you kindly adopt me for a few minutes?"
• If you really want to meet people, stand by the buffet table where people are more apt to linger. Pretend you are the host and make recommendations as if you prepared the food. Remember to smile so you don't look like you're keeping inventory. Or stand by the door as if you are waiting for someone and act like you are the official greeter.

AVOID CAREER BLUNDERS AT OFFICE PARTIES

• For business social functions, keep your clothing tasteful and attractive, avoiding provocative outfits that make an obvious sexual statement. Jealousy and gossip are never good for your career.
• Don't be late for a corporate business dinner. If it's arranged for six o'clock, fifteen minutes is the maximum length of time you can be tardy. Call if you will be delayed any longer.
• Corporate cocktail parties are generally more flexible. If called from 5:00 p.m. - 7:00 p.m., you can arrive a half-hour late (5:30 p.m.) and leave a half-hour early (6:30 p.m.). Try not to stay later than last call at the bar.
• Don't try and make the Guinness Book of Records by consuming the largest amount of holiday spirits. In fact, be a little too conservative in your consumption of alcohol. Many a career has been ruined by inappropriate alcohol-induced behavior or comments.
• An invitation is meant only for the person to whom it is addressed. Don't give your invitation to your extended family of twelve because you can't attend.
• Don't be the 'invisible man'. If your hosts are not in sight when you first arrive at the party, set off to find them so they know you are there. And don't leave the party without saying thanks.
• Avoid 'vacuum cleaner syndrome'. Cocktail parties are not a substitute for dinner. Eat tastefully and be respectful of quantities.
• Even if you brought wonderful treats, they are not yours to take home unless the host/hostess insists. Resist asking for 'doggie bags.'

On a personal note....

With gratitude to my friends and clients:
I'd like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank you for your caring and support after the sudden passing of my loving husband, Vince. Although this time is difficult for me, I feel blessed by the hundreds of phone calls, e-mails and cards that I have received. I have learned that some things once important to me are not anymore. And some things I used to pay little or no attention are now important. What stands out for me is knowing that the essence of true happiness is when others care. I thank you for shining your light on me.
Wishing you all the joys of the holiday season,
Roz