How To Make Your Boss Love You
Okay, now that I have your attention, let me make it clear that we're not talking about chasing each other around the office desks here, but about how you can manage your relationship with your boss to obtain the best results for you, your boss and the company.
Managing the boss has nothing to do with being politically manipulative or apple polishing, and everything to do with how you can gain your boss's respect -- perhaps even making him look good with senior management in the process - while furthering your career through your invaluable contributions. Even with a boss from hell who doesn't like you, how can they not like what you do and the way you do it?
True story: Jeff had a track record of building sales teams for record profits. He was a shoo-in for his boss's role as EVP of Sales. Jeff filled in for his boss during a three-month sabbatical and received outstanding feedback. Eight months later, the position opened up because of his boss getting promoted.
Long story short, the final decision resulted in a colleague getting the job, not Jeff. His colleague's performance couldn't hold a candle to his; after all, he had higher margins and only 8% turnover compared to his colleague with 30% turnover rate. Jeff was very confused and vocally expressed frustration.
Reality check: After Jeff filled in for his boss, he became critical of his boss' vision and strategic direction for the division. Jeff believed he could do his boss's job even better...and stopped managing the relationship as well as he had initially. He made a huge 'faux pas' by voicing his thoughts on his boss's shortcomings to others. Had he considered working on the relationship, he would have ended up in a better position in the company.
Watch your attitude
In a few short months, Jeff went from the golden-haired boy loved by his boss to the office pariah barking fruitlessly as the career parade passed him by, all because Jeff adopted an arrogant attitude that sabotaged his career aspirations.
Lesson: You can never stop managing your relationship with your boss.
They Don't Call It A 'Chain' of Command For Nothing
Whether you like it or not, every relationship with a boss is naturally defined in a hierarchal structure. Even though they are seen as superiors, it is as much your responsibility to create good will and rapport as it is theirs.
Okay, let's look at a fairly benign but not uncommon scenario in which the boss is democratic to a fault. He or she appears to play no favorites, neither lavishes staff with praise nor criticizes them too harshly, holds the cards close to the vest and expects everyone to just go about their jobs. No muss. No fuss. How do you even start to get on that boss's good side, or know whether they like you as a person or respect you as an employee?
First, you must have a good understanding of the other person and yourself, especially strengths, weaknesses, work styles and needs. Then use this info to develop and manage a healthy work relationship, one that is compatible with both people's work styles and assets.
Understanding the Boss
You need to appreciate your boss's goals and pressures, his or her strengths and weaknesses.
What are your boss's organizational and personal objectives, and what are the pressures at that level. What are their strengths and blind spots? What is their preferred style of working? Does your boss like to get info through memos, formal meetings or phone calls? Does he or she thrive on conflict or try to minimize it? You will fly blind if you don't know this. To know this avoids unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings and problems.
Try to clarify what your boss's objectives are. Pay attention to clues in the boss's behavior, especially new bosses. This will help avoid actions that could be at odds with the boss's priorities and objectives.
Know Yourself
The boss is only one half of the relationship. Developing an effective working relationship requires that you know your own needs. It's not up to the boss to figure out what you're all about. Without changing your personality or your boss's, you can become aware of what it is about you that impedes or facilitates working with your boss and take actions that make the relationship more effective.
Manage The Relationship
Do you have a boss who doesn't want details? Wants more details? Needs them two weeks in advance? Requires a thesis on where you got your info? Has the attention span of a drunken monkey? Multi-tasks when meeting? Scans their Blackberry while you are talking?
Adapt according to your bosses' decision-making style. Some prefer to be hands-on with decisions and problems as they arise. Usually their needs and your own are best satisfied if you touch base with them on an ad hoc basis. A boss who has a need to be involved will become involved one way or another, so there are advantages to including them early. Other bosses prefer to delegate as they don't want to be involved. They expect you to come to them with major problems and inform them about any important changes.
Mutual Expectations
The manager who passively assumes that they know what the boss expects is in for trouble. Develop a workable set of mutual expectations that require you communicate your own expectations to the boss, find out if they are realistic, and influence the boss to accept the ones that are important to you. Being able to influence the boss to value your expectations can be particularly important if the boss is an overachiever Sell them on the classic "WIIFM" - in other words, what's in it for your boss? Let them see how your ideas will make them shine and be seen as a true leader.
How Much Info Does Your Boss Need?
It is not uncommon for a boss to need more info that you would normally provide or for you to assume bosses know more than they really do. Recognize that you are more likely to underestimate this.
Be Realistic With Resources
Every request that you make of your boss uses up some of their resources so it's wise to draw on these resources selectively. This may sound obvious, but many managers monopolize their boss's time with relatively trivial issues.
In fact, you would benefit from sitting down regularly with your boss, whether old or new, and reviewing this:
The Seven-Question Drill
- What are your expectations of me over what timeframe?
- What style will help us best work together?
- How do you prefer me to communicate with you?
- If a situation presents itself, tell me how I can disagree with you in public where it won't look like I am challenging your authority. Should we develop a system of verbal "cues" to tip the other off?
- Do we see the situation the same way?
- How will I know when I am pushing your buttons? What are the signs?
- How do we negotiate over resources and what I need to deliver?
As well as a time-saver and refresher course in keeping things on track, this exercise gives you all the tools for managing the boss.
So, how can you maximize their effectiveness? Here are a few of my favorite tips:
- Brainstorm ways to surpass expectations
- Take on difficult tasks and 'ace' them
- Make your work make the boss look good
Finally, having exhausted all other avenues, do the boss's work. Seriously. They have more to do than they can ever hope to complete, so offering to take some of the more mundane tasks off their overloaded desks helps everyone. It also gives you that single-most-important commodity - even more important than respect (or lovability) - you can acquire in the boss-employee relationship fandango: their trust. Trust me, it goes a long way these days.
Wishing you continued success.
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