A Guide to Becoming The Perfect Summer Guest

Okay, summer’s just around the corner and you've received a weekend invitation to your boss’ country home. You’re counting the days to a much-needed retreat from your hectic schedule.  While you’re looking forward to relaxing in a hammock with a good book as the loons sing their doleful tune, remember that there is an art to being a good summer guest, that is to say, the one who gets invited back year after year.

Having had a country home in the past, I remember a few guests who were so high maintenance that I dreaded the thought of their return. So, before you head out for your season in the sun, you might want to consider a few of Usheroff’s do’s and don’ts for summer guests, compiled from a lifetime of observation, conversation and sheer trial and error.

Whether you are a house guest for a night or a weekend, the following rules of etiquette will showcase the best of who you are and will deepen your relationships.

Guest Do’s:

Be on time

Cardinal rule #1. If you say you will meet them at the marina at 7 p.m., make sure you are there by 6:45 p.m. Cottagers have their own schedules, dictated by weather and darkness. Start off on the right foot by respecting theirs.

Adopt Host Mentality

It takes hard work and continual maintenance to keep a country home looking good.  Acknowledge that your hosts deserve to relax, work around the home, golf, swim, canoe or chill out.  Don’t arrive expecting to be entertained. This is not an all inclusive vacation package including entertainment and ‘all you can eat’ buffets.  Act like a host and treat everyone with the highest level of respect.

Bring Gifts

A no-brainer. They don’t have to be elaborate gifts, just thoughtful. New magazines, music, home baked cookies, a tankful of gas for the boat, anything that will make your hosts happy to have you. One of the most appreciated gifts is a selection of good wines, some for consumption on the weekend and some to stock your host’s bar. When they open your wine later in the summer, they will remember your thoughtfulness. If you have favorite liquor, bring it and be prepared to share. If you prefer bottled water to drink, come with supplies.

Bring a Meal and Cook it

The gesture alone is priceless. Give your hosts a break by planning, cooking and serving an entire meal for them, complete with wine. It doesn’t have to break the bank, although no one ever complains about beef tenderloins on the grill. It can be as simple as pre-cooking and bringing lasagna, complete with garlic bread, and salad. This is especially appreciated on Friday nights, when, after the drudge of a long week at work and stop-and-go traffic en route to paradise, the last thing your hosts want to do is feed the masses. Do it for them. And don’t forget to do the dishes. Always.

Pitch In

Whether you call it a cottage, a cabin or a camp, there is always something that needs to be done at a vacation property. So help clean up, sweep the paths, sharpen the kitchen knives, scrub the algae off the hull of the boats, nail down loose boards on the dock, etc. Clean the shower after use, hang up the wet towels and bathing suit, keep your toiletries tidy on the bathroom counter, and take the garbage out.

Respect the Rules

Although you may live in your home without rules, ask what rules are in effect. If shoes are not permitted inside, then don’t question or try to bypass their wishes.  If you are invited with young children, make sure the rules are enforced for them as well.  Your hosts are not there to babysit, discipline or pick up after them.

Be Low Maintenance

Some guests expect to be entertained every minute.  Look at the entertainment as just being there.  Avoid saying “I’m bored.” “I can never sit still!” “What are we going to do next?”  Refrain from letting the weather determine your frame of mind.  Leave "I'm a fussy eater" at home. If you have special dietary requirements, bring your own supplies.

Bring Your Own Stuff

And keep it in your room. That means batteries, cameras, books, MP3 players. The last thing your hosts need is to have to lend you towels, a bathing suit, sunscreen, bug spray, their last eight Double-A batteries, or to have your belongings strewn all over their common living space. And ask in advance if you should bring your own bedding. It never hurts to be on the safe side.

Go With the Flow

You may wind up playing Scrabble, Monopoly, and Trivial Pursuit on a rainy afternoon. You hate games. Today, you love them.

Sleep On Their Schedule

Out of the city, even creatures of habit can revert to their natural wild state. Late risers become 6 a.m. fisher folk, and night owls hit the sack by 9 p.m. Whatever time your hosts rise, try to follow suit.  If you wake up before them, make the coffee and slip away with a book or go for a walk. Refrain from singing at the top of your lungs in the bathroom or banging pots in the kitchen at 6:00 am.  If they are early risers, roust yourself and make a mental note to nap later.

Clean Your Room

Make your bed, hang up or fold your clothes daily, and treat your room as if you live in it. You do, by the way. After your stay is complete, strip the beds, offer to do the laundry, and leave your room cleaner than when you arrived.

Send a Handwritten Thank-You Note

The Don'ts

Don’t  Show Up Unannounced

A surprise visit is not always a welcome visit. It probably won’t be appreciated if you show up unexpectedly with 5 friends in tow. Should you wish to bring along some friends, call well in advance and find out if that's okay. It might be very embarrasing to your hosts if you put them on the spot by arriving unexpectedly.  Besides, they might not be prepared with enough food to feed your starving company.

Don’t Bring Your Children without Permission

Don’t show up unexpectedly wth your eight kids. If your hosts approve, it is still your responsibility to control their behavior at all times.  Hosts are not responsible for babysistting while you play golf. Make sure that they are occupied at all times. Remember to bring their special foods.

Don’t Bring a Furry Animal Unannounced

Especially not that cute 150-pound Saint Bernard puppy that slobbers on everyone at the dinner table. Check with your hosts first to see if they have dogs or cats and wouldn’t mind four more legs. If so, be prepared to take care of all your animal’s needs and don’t encourage them to lick your plate or sneak leftovers under the table.  If their urinary track is not dependable, make sure you take the responsibility for frequent walks outdoors. 

Don’t Hog the Shower

Most cottages have a limited capacity septic system for grey water such as showers, dishwater, etc. Be considerate by not showering everyday, and by taking a short shower, or skipping it entirely by taking dips in the lake. Your hosts, who probably have septic system management down to a science, will appreciate your consideration if you ask them about using water at the cottage.

Don’t Expect To Be Entertained

It’s not your hosts’ job to make sure you are having fun. Arrive with plenty of ways to entertain yourself, whether it’s a good book, your personal music system, a birders’ guide and binoculars, or a walk in the woods.

Don’t Bring Your Office Toys

Forget your Blackberry. Forget your laptop. Forget your business demeanor. Some hosts are strict about drawing the line between weekends and work. If you have to bring your office toys with you for whatever reason, keep them out of sight and in your room. Under no circumstances should these devices be used in the company of others, unless your hosts ask if they can use them. It’s just plain rude to bring your office into someone’s vacation spot.

Don’t Overstay Your Welcome

Sometimes, warmed by wine and collegial conversation, your hosts may be having so much fun that they ask you to stay on for a day or two. This sounds great, except that by the morning, they may be looking for some peace and quiet, and wished they had exercised less vino and more ventes before making the offer. Your response? Express gratitude, but beg off graciously on account of pressing work back in the city. Reiterate what a relaxing time you’ve had and how much you enjoyed your hosts’ company. My rule of thumb on this statute of limitations is the same as Ben Franklin’s: After three days, both fish and guests can begin to smell! :)

Conclusion:

My cousin Lucille DeSimone frequently invites me to her wonderful home in the Hamptons.  Years back on my first trip, I casually asked her which guests were never invited back and why.  That immediately helped me to know what I should and shouldn’t do.  I feel privileged to be on her VIP (very interested in pleasing) list and therefore I never feel that I am imposing.

Remember that courtesy, thoughtfulness and gratitude are critical attributes to being a welcomed guest. Have fun and smell the roses! You deserve it.

Roz Usheroff