Enhancing Your Executive Presence in the Dining Room

Good manners and proper dining protocol can make or break a promising business relationship. They can seal a sales deal or enhance your credibility with your colleagues and clients, and make you stand out with senior management.

Many people fail to recognize a business meal for the wonderful opportunity you have been given to distinguish yourself. It’s about your standing out from the crowd; it’s about being approachable and connected to others; it’s about making others feel important and valued. To take it one step further, it’s about demonstrating good manners. And good manners show respect for others and an awareness of social convention. I look at it as the frame around a fine oil painting – it just completes the total picture.

I once attended a business lunch hosted by a well-known technology CEO. Sitting at our table was a member of his sales management team, a gregarious gentleman with a reputation for being easy-going and highly effective in his sales role. No sooner had we sat down at the table when he began to show cracks in his dining façade. He tucked his tie into his shirt during the soup course and, when the entrée arrived, he attacked it like a hunter, holding knife and fork in his fists as if he were about to field dress an animal. This embarrassing display of poor table manners did not go unnoticed, and I could hear the sound of his career advancement trickling away when the CEO remarked: “Well, it is hunting season after all.”

But etiquette is not simply a case of just showing up on time. It’s a set of guidelines for everyday living and for behaving appropriately in the company of others. Here are a few helpful tips to help make your business dining experience remarkable – as well as a few pitfalls you can avoid.

Pre-Meal Etiquette

•  Arrive on time. As a guest, call ahead if you know you will be late.

•  If you’re hosting, arrive 20 minutes ahead to secure a great table.

•  Wait 15 minutes before calling to check on the arrival status of your dinner partners if they are late.

• Give your latecomers 30 minutes grace before you begin dining with present guests.

•  Greet your guests. If you need to introduce people, address the senior or most prestigious person first: "Roger Smith, I'd like you to meet my friend, Sarah Dupont. Sarah, Roger Smith is the CEO of ABC International and is our host today."

Sitting Down

• Do not place any bags, purses, sunglasses, or briefcases on the table. Cell phones and Blackberrys off, please!

• When you are all seated, gently unfold your napkin and place it on your lap, folded in half with the fold towards your waist

• Hands and wrists on the table, not on your lap – it will diminish your posture. And no elbows on the table.
  

• Do not rearrange cutlery to accommodate yourself if you are left-handed.
  

• Wait for all parties to arrive before beginning any part of the meal. If you are the guest, follow the lead of the host. When they begin, you follow. Don’t help yourself to bread until the signal is given from your host to start.
  

• If there is no official host, wait until everyone is seated to begin.
  

• When cold appetizers are served, you should begin eating when everyone has been served.
  

• When hot appetizers are served, it is not necessary to wait for everyone if it is a large group. Assuming that there are ten guests, the host should signal guests to begin eating after three or four have received their hot food
  

• Use your utensils from the outside in. In formal settings, dessert utensils are usually placed above the place setting or served with dessert.

Ordering

• When in doubt, follow the lead of the host. That includes the consumption of adult beverages. Generally, you will not want to order alcohol at lunch. If alcohol is being served, opt for wine or beer, not hard liquor. Dinner is okay, but again, mirror your host and do the same as he or she does. If they are familiar with the restaurant, you get bonus points if you ask them to recommend a wine.
  

• Wine glasses are always held by the stem, whether red or white. One glass is acceptable at lunch. Know your tolerance for alcohol. In doubt, order club soda in a wine glass to avoid feeling pressured to order an alcoholic beverage.
  

• Don’t order the most expensive item unless you are the host and want to signal to your guests that their dining pleasure is your pleasure. Translation: you are picking up the tab. Make sure you do.
  

• Order simply. Do not attempt to customize your plate with Entrée Item A, with the vegetables from Entrée B and the carbs from Entrée C. Waiters are busy, and it will be your order they forget.
  

• Avoid finger foods or foods that are difficult to eat. No sushi unless you are at a sushi restaurant. Too much of a mouthful at once. The same with elongated pastas such as fettuccine, linguine or spaghetti. Forget corn on the cob or gooey chicken wings. Remember the drip and slurp factor: You don’t want to leave the table with your shirt or blouse showcasing what you ate.

Eating Styles

Once upon a time, everyone ate with the hands. Then they began using a single sharp knife to cut and skewer things. It took centuries for people to learn not to eat with the same knife they had used to capture their main course. Most of the North American rules of eating weren’t shaped until the 17th century, by European society and by military etiquette. Two styles have evolved:

Continental or European style: cutting the food with the right hand and using the left hand to hold the food while cutting and when eating. Hold both utensils with the index finger on top and the handles cradled in the palm; cut small amounts and eat with the fork tines facing down. This style of eating was initiated by the wealthy to differentiate themselves from the poor. However, today you will see this as common practice for both economic levels.

American style: cutting the food with the right hand and holding the food with the left, then switching hands to eat with the right hand. Do not hold either utensil in your fist.
While both styles are acceptable, the European style is much more elegant and, when dining with Europeans, imparts an air of sophistication and respect for your guests or host. Eat slowly.

Table Etiquette

If you leave the table, place the napkin on your seat. After you have finished eating, fold the napkin and place it to the left of your plate. If you leave while eating, place your knife in the clock position of ten to four. Place your fork in the opposite direction over your knife, with the tines up. Together, they should resemble an “X”. The cutlery should extend beyond the edges of the plate but must never touch the table.

To show that you have finished eating, place your cutlery side by side on your plate in the clock position of ten to four. The knife blade is placed closest to the right side, however the blade faces left. The fork is placed closest to the left side and the tines rest down.

Business Talk

Start with brief small talk. Switch over to business until the food arrives. Avoid discussing business when your client is eating. Move from business talk by simply asking someone about their plans for Thanksgiving. Reconvene the business talk when coffee is served. Remember that lunches and dinners are great opportunities to build rapport and solidify your relationship. Do your homework and come prepared with topics that would be of interest to your guests. Avoid politics, religion or any other controversial subjects. Breakfast, however, is usually quick and you can discuss business throughout.

And now, some nitty-gritty:

Shrimp. Can be dipped into the cocktail sauce using a cocktail fork. If the shrimp are large, place them onto the plate, cut with the fork before dipping them into the sauce. You have the option of using either a cocktail fork or salad fork for large shrimp.

Salad. In North America, salad is usually served before the entrée. If you are served large pieces or a whole wedge of lettuce, cut one bite at a time, using the knife provided. It the salad is served before or after the main course, use the smaller fork. If the salad is considered the main course, use the entrée fork.

Rolls and bread. When the rolls are served in a basket, take one, and always pass the basket to your right. As a host, pass the basket but wait until everyone has received their roll before taking one. Place the roll on the bread plate which is located on the left side. Take a pat of butter and leave it on your bread plate. Never tear your roll in half or into many pieces. The rule is that you can tear two bite-size pieces at a time and butter one. And it’s never appropriate to cut a roll with a knife.

Passing the salt and pepper. Pick them both up and place them on the table within reach of the person next to you. They are never passed hand-to-hand. If someone has requested the shakers, it is not appropriate to intercept and use them first as they are being passed. Wait until they have finished to ask for them back.

Paying the bill. You should prearrange how the bill is being paid. The host pays, or you offer to split the tab. Tip appropriately, 15% is the norm; 20% for exceptional service.

Remember first and foremost that eating is a pleasure. And dining etiquette is an art.
Knowing both will ensure that you get invited to the table, both literally and metaphorically. And for that, you must think before you eat.

As always,

Please feel free to share this eletter with colleagues and friends.
Stay tuned for our next eletter which will address men’s visual executive presence and tips.